Often in the busyness of our lives, we forget to make sure we are going in the right direction. Getting clarity on our purpose helps us point our ship to the destination we are called to reach.
Maybe we start out just not knowing we need to get clear on our purpose. My experience, at least here in the states, school is a series of tasks, often times unrelated, with zillions of potential lessons to teach children, our system tries to cram in everything they can into the brains of our children.
Maybe your experience was like mine. That was 30 years ago. It is still that way today. Last fall, I went to 45 minute orientation meeting for my 4th grader, and my head was spinning on all the things they would learn and be expected to do during the school year. I held space of her capability and choose to be confident that her purpose will be revealed in time.
Maybe we think our purpose is to do that first thing we had a natural ability to do and got attention for. Sometimes this means making bracelets, making paper pillows using stuffing from a stuffed animal and stapling closed, or maybe even making dandelion necklaces. Or maybe we really hit our stride in middle school and we are just really good at a sport or an art.
Please hear me when I say, the above examples were my experience and were those things in my childhood I thought MY purpose was. It is perfectly reasonable someone can find their purpose through any of the other routes above.
What I want you to think about is those things in your life you tried on, like clothes. Some of those things you help onto for a longer amount of time, and some of those things were brief imaginings or observation of possibilities through others.
Things like this form our identity.
Do you remember in grade-school when someone asked you for the first time what your favorite color was? Were you like me and that was a moment of panic? Did you have no clue what your favorite color was? How unfair to any other color I did not pick?
And that is how we begin to form our identity.
Maybe we are busy taking care of others, and we feel all our focus should be outward. Again please don’t mishear me on those. Helping people is an act of service and a beautiful thing. Without the instinct to nurture and support others, this world would be a very different, maybe dangerous and inhabitable place. Care giving is one of the most humbling gifts a person can bestow on others.
Caregiving is some people’s purpose. It is not everyone’s.
Moms, at least most moms, are born with an instinct to care for their children.
Whether the children are young or old, it does not matter. The responsibility felt to set children up for success and happiness never stops.
However, sometimes, having a child is like being handed the responsibility to be a army commander. With no training. With no gear. And, you are going to battle whether you feel like it or not.
So, sometimes moms overdo it. Without boundaries, moms may fall into the trap where they are so outwardly focused that they lose themselves (and their direction) in the process.
Here is how it happens.
In my experience, for example, I carry more responsibility than I should. And I am not the only mom doing this.
Ten years ago, my husband and I were youth directors for an amazing group of teenagers. When we took them to a retreat, we quickly learned not all of the children knew how to do dishes, cook meals, and clean. These were children that in one year, would be in college.
How was this possible?
I know, because I am a mom too. I carry more responsibility that I should. And, I am working on that.
As moms, it is not our job to help our children feel comfortable. It is to help them get strong.
I heard recently that we are not born with self-control and this is a learned thing. I did not think of it this way when my child was a crying infant, so she stopped taking naps at 5 months old, and finally slept through the night at 13 months old.
For those of you who are not parents yet, the above numbers are crazy.
I think my child is especially gifted and intelligent, and she was definitely different than all of her younger cousins that loved to sleep. There is definitely an element of “kids are all different”.
However, I wonder if I knew that she needed to build her self-control if I would have still jumped immediately every time she cried. Who was getting trained here? lol
And, did it take us 9 years to get a good bedtime routine?
Yes.
There is a season for carrying your child. This is when they literally cannot do for themselves. But, if they are still 10, and you are still carrying them, you have probably lost your direction, and feel off-course.
Maybe it is some other form of busyness that has you distracted. It is like being in a sports car without a seatbelt and no clue where the car is headed. Driving full speed. The twist is you are very hungry and you have no idea where to go to get food. And, even crazier, you may see a few restaurants, but they just don’t seem like something you want to eat, so you keep driving.
By not stopping to get clear on your purpose, you may run yourself to the ground. You may run out of gas and may even get sick. You may get tired and decide to settle and choose activities in life that leave a bad taste in your mouth, an upset tummy, or even make you hungrier than when you started!
What if you took the time to listen to that quiet voice inside of you that tells you where to go and how to get there! Some of us call guidance spirit or God. Others call it the universe, or the infinite, or our intuition. Whatever this is to you in this place in your journey, trust that it is there and will support you if you let it.
5 Steps to Finding Your Purpose
Step 1: Do not listen to anyone else that tell you what you should do in life.
People like giving advice, but they do not know your purpose. Even your parents that love you very much, do not know your purpose.
The internet is full of advice. Again, from people.
Get clear on your purpose and you can consult people for the how to’s.
Step 2: Take time to be still
And, I do not mean to sleep here. I mean, find time to be still, and awake. Even if laying in bed, even if going for a walk, even if it is just those few moments to pet your dog on the way out the door.
Being more and more aware of stillness, will allow you mind to check in with the place your purpose is singing to you.
Step 3: Journal
Journal over time. Not just one day. Write your thoughts and your dreams. Sift and sort and write. Over time, you will begin to see a pattern emerge.
Step 4: Reflect on the natural things you played as a child
Were you leading people, were you teaching, were you being creative, were you drawn to others in service. Take notice of these things. Find the things that brought you joy and peace.
Step 5: Allow yourself to visit that moment right before you pass think about how you want to be remembered.
Do this every night before you go to bed. Once you see a pattern emerging, start focusing in.
When you found something you believe to be your purpose, commit to doing that thing. Do it from the heart. Let it draw you in as you take action. You may only get one step at a time. But, begin. Don’t put it off. Do it even when you don’t feel like it. Just go. Keep moving. Move forward in the pursuit daily.
It will be like the unfolding of a flower.